1.1 What is the Root Cause

Various characteristics and behaviors of the alienating parent have been identified in the research literature, including: 1

  1. personality disorders (e.g., narcissism, borderline, psychopathy) and a paranoid orientation to interactions with others
  2. severe cognitive distortions, such as holding an unwavering belief that the alienated parent is dangerous even in the face of evidence to the contrary
  3. externalising unwanted emotions and responsibilities
  4. exhibiting anger associated with an abnormal grieving process
  5. an enmeshed and unhealthy relationship with their family of origin

Separation or Divorce

Parental alienation is generally in response to separation or divorce. 2

In North America today with the divorce rate, being what it is, approximately one out of two marriages ending in divorce. This causes an extreme amount of stress within families and typically children do better when they stay connected to both parents. But for a variety of reasons including unresolved feelings and legal positioning, parents do put their children in the middle by engaging in parental alienation. 2

The agenda is to inflict merciless pain in the other parent in a mission to win a war that they have initiated. And their weapon of choice are the children. 3

Parental Alienation happens when one parent out of frustration, bitterness, hurt or anger consciously or unconsciously aligns the children to his or her side. 2

When marriage first breakup there are all kinds of stresses which often bring out some very angry or unusual behavior on the part of the parents. This is to be expected. But if these destructive activities continue, we start to see behaviors that are more typical of parental alienation. 2

Healthier parents are able to keep the needs of the children foremost inspite of their divorce process. 2

Personality Disorders

We have a lot of research about how profoundly dysfunctional and unstable an alienating parent is. Let’s face it, a normal parent will not try to undermine the relationship between the child and the other parent. A normal parent appreciates that the child has a need for the other parent. And when the alienating parent can’t appreciate that, they lack empathy for one thing. 4

When you look at the parents, they tend to have a great deal of psycho-pathology. For a start, they’re almost always pathologically dependent. They’re using the child to meet their own needs. They are exploiting the child and corrupting the child. They’re often using the child as a proxy to do their bidding and to further their goals and objectives. This is a terrible thing. 5

The research shows that alienating parents in the severe category and probably many in the moderate category tend to suffer one or more cluster B personality disorders 4

  • antisocial / sociopathic personality disorder
  • borderline personality disorder
  • narcissistic personality disorder
  • (histrionic personality disorder)

Usually it’s one of the first three types or a combination. And they’re not mutually exclusive those personality disorders. One can have all three or meet criteria for all three. 5

It’s also important to keep in mind that those three personality disorders are associated as part of the core pathology with first being charming in most cases, and second being manipulative. 5

Antisocial Personality Disorder

If a parent is violating court orders, withholding the parenting time, lying about false allegations of abuse, manipulating your children to lie. I mean, these to me are anti-social behaviours which are the worst because unfortunately, they are not amenable to treatment. 4

Borderline Personality Disorder

Borderline is difficult [to treat], but you can make headway with it. (Linda GOTTLIEB, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aWuqahNnZAU))

Narcissistic Personality Disorder

Typically alienating parents are what we call “narcissistically vulnerable“, they feel very threatened when part of their identity has been diminished within the dissolution of the marriage. So, they externalize the blame and project it outward towards the targeted parent. 6

Narcissistic is difficult [to treat], but you can make headway with it. (Linda GOTTLIEB, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aWuqahNnZAU))

Histrionic Personality Disorder

Social Stereotypes

[because of stereotypes… all the others around let it happen. the alienator knows his and uses stereotypes for his benefit wherever possible. and all the others around just let it happen because they have the same stereotypes in mind]

Missing Awareness

[almost nothing is done against it because is is not well known to society yet. so it can grow up to a severe level and then therapists and even then judges do not take right desicsions if they are not aware of the magnitude of the problem]

  1. Jennifer HARMAN and Mandy MATTHEWSON, Parental alienating behaviors, in: ‘Parental alienation: Science and law’ from Demosthenes LORANDOS and William BERNET ↩
  2. Theo BOERE, Carmen BARKLEY, Larry WATERMAN; Parental Alienation Documentary, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cYV8GBrJv9k ↩ ↩ ↩ ↩ ↩
  3. Susan SHOFER, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cu4XXnKPwCM ↩
  4. Linda GOTTLIEB, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aWuqahNnZAU ↩ ↩ ↩
  5. Steven MILLER, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zk675aYGHV4 ↩ ↩ ↩
  6. Shawn WYGANT, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eH8f6FjDrUc ↩